Zhana Vrangalova, New York University professor of human sexuality, empathizes with men like Chris, and believes bottoms exist far beyond the dichotomy of anal sex. “The fantasy appeals to me more than the reality.”ĭr. “The bottoms always look like they’re having the time of their lives and everything just slips in with no struggle at all,” he says. “It’s that stereotypical big burly guy doing what he wants to me and taking control,” he explains.Ĭhris blames this fantasy on the porn industry, which, in his opinion, romanticizes the ease of receptive anal intercourse.
Though he doesn’t enjoy receiving anal sex, Chris still identifies as a bottom because he’s submissive, prefers giving oral sex rather than receiving, likes feeling protected, and his sexual fantasies often-if not always-depict him as the receptive partner. I find myself thinking: Okay, hurry up and finish so this can end.” “I know it’s only supposed to hurt for a bit, but even when it starts to feel good it’s still not satisfying. “I find anal sex more painful than enjoyable,” Chris, 23, says. A few hours after posting my request, messages poured in. When I initially requested to speak with bottoms on this topic, I wasn’t expecting many bites (this kind of information is sensitive!). Can you really be a bottom if you don’t enjoy receptive anal intercourse?
